Volturi Problems

“Hello my name is Breanna and I’ll be the therapy session lady person…for the Volturi brothers today!” I said in a dumbfounded voice.
“Thank my dead mother…” Jane muttered in a small voice. “There in the kitchen.” She added.
I walk into the kitchen by myself. Caius was kicking the wall , but not to harshly. I walked up to all three of them. “Hello. I hear we have some problems that needed to be adjusted.” I said , not scared.
“Caius goes first. He’s the one with the real problems…” Marcus said. Caius stopped kicking the wall and glared at him. “*cough*tension*cough*” , I said. Aro glanced in my direction looking confused.
“How about we let Aro go first.” I said to all of them. Aro got up. “Okay!” He said a little happily. We went in the “private” room.
“Sit down…please.” I said calmly. Aro sat. Their conversation went like this(I go first!):
“How long have you and your brothers been fighting?”
“Over 1,000 years probably.”
“Okay… Why did you kick Caius?”
“Because he was being an idiot.”
“Why do you think he was being an idiot?”
“…I don’t really know. But I do know that he hates me because he glares at me and Marcus all the time.”
“…Do you think that Caius has problems?”
“I don’t really know. He isn’t the one that would help any of us and he needs to take a bath, REALLY bad!”
“…I-I really don’t know how to help you?”
“Okay then bye!”
Aro left the room and I came into the kitchen again. This time there was a different guy in the kitchen.
I blinked and, obviously confused, said, “Do you know where I could find Marcus by any chance?”
The guy looked up and said, “Yeah he’s in the living room yelling at Alec to stop humping the couch, again, oh and by the way I’m Felix.” He winked at me before adding, “ What’s your name.”
I looked at him, growing scared, said, “M-My name’s Breanna.”
“Okay, your really hot, just to, let you know.” Felix said as he looked me up and down while walking away. But as he walked away, Renata opened the door and hit him.
I quickly left the room and found Marcus yelling at a little boy who was, indeed, humping the couch. I was trying not to laugh as Aro rounded the corner.
“ALEC! Quit humping the couch you horny little midget!” Aro yelled at the little boy, whose name was Alec, I was guessing.
Marcus looked up and said, “I don’t have any problems! And neither does Caius so go!”
“I looked at all the people gathered around in the living room and said, “You need help from someone more experienced then me! And I can’t help you with that corn dog humping the couch right now either!!!”
With that I left and sped away in my car. “I feel sorry for anyone that’s married to any one of those crazy people, and I feel really bad for Jane having to live with that hornyhopper!”